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100NLN The Final Night: 100. RelaxationI can't sleep. Of course I can't sleep! It's the last night! The time moves by so slowly I think I've pulled out all my hair by 11:45. Just 15 more minutes...
"Yeah... I'm here..."
She stumbles over to my bed, completely out of breath. "What's wrong?! Did something happen?!"
She lays down as I stand up with my wide eyes glued to her unnaturally pale face. ...My face... Remembering last night, a tear falls down my cheek.
"No... Don't cry for me, Anna..."
"How can I not? Lilith, I don't want you to die..."
"Don't... Don't think of it as dying... I'm just...going to a better place."
The tears fall faster as my lower lip starts to tremble. It won't be long until I can't hold it back. "You're my friend. What am I supposed to do without you?"
"Anna... You'll never be afraid again..." She points to my iPad, and I give it to her quickly. After typing something, her hands go limp as she nears the last of her strength. "Promise...you'll never forget me."
"I promise!" I sob. "C
100NLN Night 99. Solitude (and night 96)Beep! Beep! Beep!
I roll over and turn off my alarm. Second to last day. So many answers, so little time... Turning on my light, I can see that I'm alone.
"Or are you?"
"Go away Aeron!" I shout at my ceiling.
"I'm not here. You were right; you're alone. But I'm not."
"Anna!" That's Lilith! "Whatever you heard last night isn't true!"
"Lying again, I see," Aeron says.
"Lilith... Please tell me what last night was about." I stare at my ceiling like it'll talk to me and tell me everything I need to know.
"You... You can't know..."
"Why not?!" I have one day left after today! I think I can know by now!
"Anna, please don't make me say this now..."
"Why don't you tell her what happened the night I skipped?" Aeron asks.
Night 96. In the Storm
Lilith's point of view
"Well, Lilith," Aeron starts slowly. "When are you going to tell Anna you've been lying to her this whole time?"
I can't think of telling her... She's put so much trust in me; this would destroy her...
"She's already b
100NLN Night 98. Puzzle"Who has between four and seven letters in his or her name, lied to you for 98 days, and only you know about?"
This has been swirling around in my head for who knows how long, and I've narrowed it down to two people. Lilith and Aeron.
Lilith hasn't lied, has she? Aeron on the other hand...
I don't know! I... I trust Lilith...
"Aeron!" I shout.
"Is that your final answer?"
...I trust Lilith. "Yes!"
A long pause drags at my patience until... "Incorrect."
"...Lilith..." I whisper. "What have you lied about...?"
100NLN Night 97. Safety FirstI wake up tonight extremely confused. Today is the 23rd of November. The last time I had a nightmare was the 21st. And that scares me. "Lilith?" I call out in a whisper. She obviously couldn't hear me, so I resort to screaming her name, and for some reason I can't stop until she's next to me.
"Anna! Calm down; I'm right here!"
"L-Lilith... Aeron skipped a night..."
"I know. He skipped tonight, too. I just showed up 'cause I knew you'd be afraid..."
"Why is he doing this?"
Lilith paused for a while. "Anna... Lay down. Safety first. " When I was on my side staring at my lamp, she continued. "I think he's storing up energy for the final night."
...I don't speak. I stay staring at my lamp until I think I fall asleep.
I sure am scared for not actually having nightmares for once...
100NLN Night 95. AdvertisementsI wake up to some person talking. On the TV in my room--which I didn't have until just now--is a commercial for some stupid product that's going to become the new "thing" for about five seconds before a genius comes up with the next one. But this one is really something.
"Tired of always having your TV remotes die on you? Always losing them when you need to change the channel most?" No. "Well then this is the product for you! You can charge the batteries of your remote, and you'll never forget where you left it!"
Seriously? Who needs this kind of crap that just makes Americans fatter and lazier? Advertisements like these are the kinds of things that make the "rebellious teenager" in me appear. That's not what I would call it, but society doesn't care. All it cares about is making money. Hence the ads. Goodnight.
100NLN Night 94. Last HopeI'm still shaken up from last night, but there's been one thing after another that seem to be taking advantage of my weak state. The biggest one?
My boyfriend dumped me.
Sure I've been a little--okay very--crazy, but that's not my fault! I swear!
Lilith, where are you...? I can't do this alone... You're my last hope... Please don't fail me now...
100NLN Night 93. Give Up"Anna," a male voice I don't recognize says, "wake up. I think it's time you knew."
I rub my eyes, not wanting anything to do with whoever's in my room at this hour. "Knew what?" I ask, squinting in the darkness.
"Watch your eyes. I'm turning on the light."
After a few seconds of brightness, I can see a man I've never seen before in my life. He's tall, I guess, but he's so...average. I picture him in a suit, walking downtown with a briefcase talking on the phone; the stereotypical businessman is standing before me. "Who...are you?"
"I'm Aeron," he says, spelling it for me. Sure it's a weird spelling, but I know plenty of Aaron's. "And I'm the one controlling your nightmares."
Every single emotion I might've been feeling, thought I might've been thinking disappear, and what replaces my expression is utter shock. Then I think a scream because he covers my mouth with his hand.
"I'm not going to hurt you tonight!"
My breath comes too short, my heart races too quickly, and my eyes get too t
100NLN Night 92. All I HaveI'm...alive. And back in my house... With everything I own. And Lilith sitting on the foot of my bed.
"Lilith..." I whisper as I sit up. "I'm alive. Nothing's ruined. He hasn't made any marks on my life except for the few scars I still have..."
She smiles at me, but there's something off about it. She's happy, but her eyes suggest something sadder beneath the surface. "You don't know how relieved that makes me feel," she says. "Anna, you're really all that I have. I'd be nothing without you. Honestly."
"Lilith, you don't have to-"
"No, I mean it. Really. I am nothing without you, but you can be a normal person without me."
"Normal's overrated," I say with a smile. We hug, and I realize just how close we've grown over the past 92 days...
100NLN Night 91. DrowningThe next time I wake up, I'm on the boat again. But this time it's leaking. It's only a few seconds before my tired body is thrown into the waters. I'm able to keep my head above the water easily at first, but when I can't find Lilith, I start to panic, shouting her name and looking for her in the water.
The freezing cold water.
It's not long before my lips are blue, my teeth are chattering, and I'm having a hard time treading. "L-Lilith..." I manage through the cold, "w-where are y-you...?"
Who knows how long later, my limbs are screaming, and I can't take any more. I start sinking, and my frozen body can't do anything about it. It's really dark under here, so I have no idea how deep I am. I honestly didn't think drowning would be the way I'd die, considering how much I love to swim. As my lungs start to burn as my body reacts to the lack of air, I think about who would miss me. And then I think about Lilith. What will happen to her?
A bright light interrupts my thoughts. It's so pret
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Two Years LaterShe asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
I give upSometimes
I try so hard to change for people
Do what they want,
Listen to their critiques,
Try to be a good friend..
But you know?
Everyone makes mistakes,
is not perfect,
is tired and stressed and slips,
It is never good enough,
no matter what I do,
nobody ever sees what I changed,
everybody always only sees my faults.
I get criticised for what I did wrong,
but never acknowledged for what I changed,
I give up.
I don't have the energy anymore,
to always justify myself,
to always go up and be the one,
that is bad,
to always be the one,
Sometimes I think I'm better off without anyone...
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
They're so bright
They hurt my eyes
Why, Mr. Sun
Did you have to shine?
The rain was so soothing
Until there was a break
In the clouds
I was enjoying
It matched my life
Until you came out
And ruined everything
I'm not goth
I just like my darkness
Every now and then
Not everything has to be bright,
AerosolIt has been a day and a half since the crash, and I have found a cabin. In some ways, this is a relief. I don’t know if I could face another night on the mountain without shelter. Outside, a fire does no good: the heat simply travels upwards. However, this place also raises some difficult questions. I estimate that I’ve put eight miles between myself and the crash site. I don’t know if this will be enough. It Saving...
occurs to me that I don’t really know anything.
The survival manual recommends staying with the plane. It explains that this affords the best chance of rescue. It explains that the wreckage offers warmth and shade. It explains that seventy percent of pilots who stay are located within three days, while seventy percent of those who leave are
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